he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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