he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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