i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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