so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
