No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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