she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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