i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
