I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Boobs speak an international language.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
