new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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