he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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