all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize