She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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