sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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