I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
