I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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