Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
