I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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