just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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