I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have aggressive nipples.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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