That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wear drunk well.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
