omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
