i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
