i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
