Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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