She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
