I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I bet he comes in French.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
