If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize