Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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