Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
