all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
