I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
