were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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