And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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