walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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