I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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