Redeem this text for a blowjob
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
