Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
