we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
