I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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