Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
