Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
