So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
