M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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