Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
