He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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