Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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