she was so not down for the gang bang
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize