i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
