i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
