my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
