this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize