My hand turned me down
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's the barista slut.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
