I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
