So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
