wakey wakey hands off snakey
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
