I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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