last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
