What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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