Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
