Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
