Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
