I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
