My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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