He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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