This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
