That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
