help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
