I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
