rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
