I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
