broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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