Screwed.edu
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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