Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
