I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
