I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
