So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
