Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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