I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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