I think I just saw someone hide a body.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
did i just pee glitter
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
