Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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