I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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