Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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