I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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