Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
