peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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