I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
