The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
