So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize