i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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