The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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