So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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