I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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