Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
