Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
